Your girl is back. I have been gone from the blog game. I thought I would retire this page but the people have spoken so I shall give them what they want. Typos and all. I have never had a problem speaking my mind. I have always been someone who tells it like it is. I have been thriving professionally and while I have spoken in the past about my love for travel and shopping on another person’s dime, I get off more by creating financial success on my own. But it’s hot girl summer they said. OVO fest is this weekend they said. Truth is it’s hard to grow a following when you’re in a relationship. My engagement is at an all time low. I have been at 52.2K for MONTHS and my captions are dry. I have lost a lot of that wild jungle fire that my internet persona exudes.

After the high of Swimweek, I’m back to reality. Walking 7 shows and closing 3, I attended brunches with VS supermodels and got more free shit than a back to school charity. I worked an amazing event for puma with my best friend and stocked my bank account and fridge with free collagen water. My favorite time of year ended with a flash and now we are back to slow season. I had 3 magazine covers this month – 2 of which were solo covers. But now it’s August first. Rent is due and no one cares. I’m trying to shoot content to stay relevant and manage new photos with weekly classes to drive traffic to my IG. Showing a different side of me some people are with the shits while others miss the old me.

My man tells me everyday – show me your 5 friends and I’ll show you your future. The next 5 minutes are a dictation of your next 5 years. You can’t wake up in 2025 and expect to be successful if you’re not grinding in 2020. And the hustle may look different for everyone. As a woman it’s so easy to exploit yourself for personal gain. Looking at the new generation of female icons they have done it and it looks so easy. Kardashian clones with premium snapchats and new Chanel bags – bitch I know you didn’t buy that. Who flew you to Mykonos. And yet there’s a bit of fomo in it all. Who doesn’t want to be a fashionnova influencer and date an athlete? It’s the new normal – but is it normal?

I’ve been really blessed to have two healthy loving parents who showed me the way. A career driven mother and a present father I don’t have daddy issues. I am self employed which means I have made a decision that I will make it work. If I don’t work my bills don’t get paid. I have help from no one and I am self made. I am always looking for ways to reinvent myself. I got certified in yoga this month and that was an amazing experience. It brought me to meet some amazing people and strengthened my training background for classes and clients. I am in a healthy relationship with someone who also doesn’t consume alcohol and drugs. I have been on a different tip – in cyber space and in my own space. Good, I think so, but my followers may disagree.

FACT – everyone looks poppin on the gram. Do not be fooled. Everyone looks single on the gram – so don’t get got either. With my beautifully curated posts I still show my struggles and my facials (horrific) to my world to restore some balance and let ya’ll know that I’m still human. Being authentic is the most amazing thing you can do for yourself and while it doesn’t always get a repost not everyone can relate to Facetune and filler. I’m a trainer and my body is build by cardio and 8 hours of sleep. I need to drink more water. I am still vaping. The flowers on my dresser are next to my retainer and my acne medication. I’m fasting intermittently so I’m a bitch til about 1pm. Sometimes I run 3 miles. Sometimes I eat pizza and then run 3 miles. Sometimes it’s just the pizza. That’s the real hot girl shit.

And while I can be down on myself for not having the latest and greatest and when my mental health gets to an all time low, I remember that this shit is not real. Life is good. My friends are flourishing. My job is secure and my love life is winning. We circled back hard. Living in the information age affords us access to everything all the time – a gift but most certainly a curse. And so with this platform to produce whatever I want I’ve switched it up butt I’m not getting desired results. What does that mean? Nothing. It means I will keep doing me. You will still see rap battles with myself and blurry workout videos. You will still see me tagging my ginger throwing up gang signs with fire arms. You’ll see my clients who inspire me everyday by showing up and exceeding their expectations. And for the girls in Ibiza with the Gucci shades on their sponsor’s yacht bitch I salute you. You make me proud and you keep me young. This summer is for my real hot girls. The ones with the stretch marks in the bikini at the pool giving no fucks. The ones up at the crack of dawn doing fasted cardio. The baby mommas. The ex-wives. The underpaid and overworked. The single girls at 30 who take no shit from fuck niggas. The ones working shitty jobs and taking long bathroom breaks to watch my stories while they take a shit. The carb eaters – the dairy lovers. The ex-boyfriend stalkers and the rogue accounters. And i’ll take the instacelebs too. I’ll take anyone that will have me, but I can only give you what I have.

Motivation is hard when you’re feeling unloved and not enough. Do not let any of these bitches fool you. They would give up all the glitter for gold. And that’s what I’ve done with these last few months, traded in some glass for a gem – and making sure I keep the gems I got. Working on my mind, body and soul to cultivate a true future for myself –  one that doesn’t require validation from colorful square boxes on a screen. I am enough and so are you. That’s the message I want to convey. Surround yourself with the shit that makes you happy, but be your own hype man. If you don’t love yourself no one else will. Do no harm, but take no shit. That’s hot girl summer. Meaningful partnerships, self care, accepting flaws. Self love and all that other Tony Robbins shit. He ain’t making 500 mill off bullshit. Do you sis. You’re it is. Do not let this fake love fuck you up. Follow me if you want that real love. Cus I think I’m the shit and so should you. The only thing fake on me is the tits.