Due to privacy reasons for everyone involved and fear of being disinvited on the next trip, I cannot disclose much about my last trip. I had a cold, had no luggage, spent 24 hours in an airport, and the location was cold. In the end, we made it, secured the bag, got some bomb ass boots and I was definitely sipping hot cocoa at the fire with your dad. With that being said, I am back in the 305. I will be leaving to Tulum this Sunday with the same crew from Turks and Caicos. Needless to say, it’s lit.

Since Cubano #5, I have really been out here. Jaded on a good day, I have had the gold digger mentality, and I must admit it’s been working. I have been getting help in my business, my finances, and my closet. It has been a fun and freeing experience and such a step up from the pieces of shits I normally date. Being taken care of is a major change from what I am used to. Yes I talk a lot of shit on the gram about receiving wires and cashapps, but in reality those moments are few and far between. Yes I will always be the queen of finesse, but I always do me and do for me.

In my quest for wealth and dickness (health and fitness – see what I did there) I have put my feelings on hold. I am really focused on my career and my clients and my body. I’m finally not consumed with financial fear and this is allowing more time to invest in more creative shit – like my blog. I am not falling in love with potential, but accepting what is reality. I want right now, not an end game. I could be dead in a year, and so I want to be smart but still live on the edge. I’ve been honest with everyone about my motives and beliefs, and I’m living my best life.

Then the feelings come. Now what? What happened to securing the bag? What happened to being out here? What happened to Thotitanna? This is the dilemma. This is where the crazy comes. The rogue accounts. The triple texts. It’s a place I promised myself I would never be, but here I am. And what if the beginning in itself wasn’t the most savory – so now we’re trying to make something good that started off bad. Do I really like this person or do I like the idea of them and what I think they can provide? Once again expectation versus reality.

I don’t know ya’ll. I know nothing. I’m thirty, divorced, only thing missing is some cats. I’m thriving now but what about in a few years? Or is that just morbid and an excuse to settle for something that never could be. THE CONTENT IS SUFFERING WITH THE FEELINGS YA’LL.

I always chase the love. I can’t fuck with you if I don’t fuck with you. It’s always been like that. So today I’m just in my feelings being boo boo. I’ve sought counsel from @babymommafit and she’s assured me to stay on brand and keep this movement alive but you know me, I don’t listen. So hopefully in Tulum I bring it back and we can ride off into the sunset in Chanel backpacks and snakeskin Louboutins. For now I’m still on my bullshit – dating and rotating. Besides even when you drop the hoes they always circle back.