On the birthday of my ex-husband I thought it would be appropriate to pay homage to him by telling you guys a little story. Some of y’all may not know this but someone did actually marry your girl almost ten years ago. Wild. Half French and half Italian (obviously) he is who my legal last name resides from. Still haven’t changed it because I am lazy and the name is kinda lit. Meeting sixty days into sobriety and marrying six months later, I was in a full blown relationship. Lasting four and a half years, I would say one third of those years were spent with me having extra marital affairs. Sparing details, you could say I was not the best wife. I never wanted to be married, but the thought of security appealed to me and so I jumped at the idea of being taken care of. His family didn’t approve of my religion and so that trust funded ended almost immediately and so we had barely anything, but the love was strong. He worked a lot and and so like a good wife, I sought validation through other men, money and acted out. Not proud of any of this, I didn’t leave because I thought I had no options. I was irresponsible and scared that I would end up alone.

I went to my favorite restaurant today and told my friends how I had an affair with the former GM that lasted over a year. We used to meet on Mondays at random restaurants since we both were in relationships. I would watch him drink (of course I date an addict) and we would lie to each other how we would run off into the sober sunset. I would start my five mile daily run at his job and we would creep and cheat everyday. I told them how one night my ex-husband was as the bar while I was upstairs fucking the GM. Shit was wild. We laughed and brushed it off but I was reminded of my shady past and how I am so happy that I have done better.

I’ve talked a lot of shit about my ex-husband. How he waited until he had his green card to separate. How he served me with divorce papers on the day I picked up my five year anniversary chip in AA. How I was left in a shitty Wynwood apartment with $200 and $7000 of debt. How he started dating a girl I know from AA before I even moved out. I ended up almost beating her ass outside of an AA meeting once. I spit in his face. Actually maybe hers. It’s kind of a blur. They’re still together by the way. How his mom tried to break us apart and she actually did. I could add to the list.

The truth is karma came for my ass and won. I was a shitty wife and a shitty human being. He had every right to leave and while I don’t agree with the way it went down, I can’t blame him. Who he chooses to date is none of my business and after the harm I have caused he has every right to seek happiness in whomever he chooses. I didn’t care about my husband so he was taken from. In all reality I’m grateful because my life has been on an upward spiral since. I still don’t fuck with him and I still think he’s a fraudulent human being, but what is worse? A fraud or a cheat?

What this experience has taught me is that reliance upon a man will make you do some unimaginable things. Whether its stepping outside of the relationship or stewing in anger and resentment, being in an unhappy marriage is not healthy for anyone. Cheating is never okay and being sneaky is even worse. Maybe that’s why I always deal with men who have other women. I may still be paying for my extra marital affairs. I did make a vow when I got divorced to never place myself in a position to hurt out be hurt. To voice my concerns in any relationship and be willing to fix things or walk away before I lay in bed with someone else. I can blame my actions on being young and dumb, but morals come regardless of age and back then I had none. I was always looking for something more, especially money because as a child it was engrained in me to make money and work hard. My dad told me my first marriage should be for money and my second should be for love. Clearly I got it backwards, but I since my divorce my income has quadrupled and I have never had to cheat. I owe a man nothing but to love him and being single and independent is the best thing that’s ever happened to me. People can change and pain is usually the motivation for growth.

I’m still petty but I’m no longer a bitter ex-wife. I have made amends to him and to her and I have never cheated or lied to a partner since that last failed relationship. I have high standards and expectations of myself to continue to be self supporting through my own contributions so I don’t have to stay in situations past their expired time. Sure, I date rich men, but men I like. Men who have something to offer because now I have something to offer. Men who invest in me because they see my potential, potential I never would have had if I was living off someone else and settling.

I continue to thrive y’all. Learning everyday. Making mistakes everyday. I share this vulnerable story with you to show you how dark it is before the dawn. To remind you that while I am a boss ass bitch, it wasn’t always so. I had a piece of shit Honda Civic, lived in Lemon City and wore Forever 21. Now with my Benz and my Gucci and my Rolex (ayyyye) my soul is just as flashy as my lifestyle. Good intentions and good behavior can bring you that material shit too. Hard work, sleepless nights, and the grind has brought me to this place. That’s when I began to attract men who wanted to take me higher. It’s when I became elevated. So yes, the European shit runs deep, but I don’t fuck with the French. One time is fine for me. I think I’m done with the Cubans too, shit just took awhile. As for my Italians, I love you regazzi!